hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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