I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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