Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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