when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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