He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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