we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
