guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
