Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize