i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
