separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Enjoy the penises
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
