i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
