When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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