we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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