i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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