One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
