my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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