He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think a kid would responsible me up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
