the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
