I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize