so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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