Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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