This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
