I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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