i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
