ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
