there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
