So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
