Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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