So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
