It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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