if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
