I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
