I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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