new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
