He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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