she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
