It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
