guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
