After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
