Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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