Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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