I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
