in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize