also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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