I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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