I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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