You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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