I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
