I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
