Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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