just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
