I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
