Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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