And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
