I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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