I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's shark week go big or go home
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
