Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
