YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
