Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Success! We fucked roommates!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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