Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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