this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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