Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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