when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize