I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
