i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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