It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
