So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
