I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
