ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
