I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
